Summer Hiatus is Over

So the summer is winding down and it's almost time for school to start. For some reason I've never gotten out of that school rhythm. After spending over 17 years in school- it's just how I'm wired. Either that, or I'm just using it as an excuse for how little I've accomplished since last I wrote.

Actually, that's not true. I've come a long way (baby!) on a theoretical level. My vision for my company is much more clearly defined and I've conceded that it's time for me to go big, or go home. That metaphor doesn't work as well when you work from home, but you know what I mean.

Why start small, when you can start accurately, efficiently and fabulously? A dear friend of mind helped me realize that if I'm going to start this company, I should raise enough money to start it properly. So that, my friends, is what I'm going to do. The game has changed, now the stakes are higher, but so are the eventual returns.

This means that I am truly jumping in and going into business...real investors and all. I'm not just talking about wanting to swim, putting my toe in the water, or slowly climbing down the ladder - I'm jumping right in that Mother F*&$^@ Pool!

I'll try not to splash you:)

The Secret to My Success

Business Plan: 0 words.

Business Plan: 172 words.

Business Plan: 1517 words. 

I'm finally making progress. Something inside me has lifted and I'm finally able to move forward. I've gone from hoping that I'd finish it, to doubting that I'd finish it, to knowing that by the time I leave for NYC next Friday that the first draft will be done. Not exactly the goal I'd originally set for myself but to be honest when I set those benchmarks I had no idea how difficult it would be to motivate myself or how many obstacles would be in my way. Ok, I'll be honest. There was really only ever one obstacle...me. I am my own boss and I am my own obstacle! It's like a mini clash of the titans in my head. 

I've recently been pondering why I sabotage myself. It was suggested to me that I have a fear of success. That one confused me. Fear of failing, sure. Fear of falling, totally. Fear of success? that's just plain preposterous! But, as I am a gracious mortal I allowed this person to explain what they meant. They proposed that I fear success because my becoming successful would alter the perception certain people have of me. Hmmm...which people? well my family of course! But as this is a blog and not a diary I'll skip ahead to where my mind went next. Definitions. What does success mean? More specifically what does it mean to me? 

Success means something different to each individual - or at least it should if they are paying the slightest bit of attention to how they're living their life. (boy oh boy am I preachy today!) You see one person could have fame and wealth - characteristics normally associated with success - and be perfectly miserable. Another person may be a stay at home mom, for example, and be absolutely blissful. For her, providing a nurturing environment for her family is how she measures success. Some critics will presume that because she never had a career that she's settling somehow. I guess in the end it all comes back to defining was success means to us and trying our damnedest to achieve that goal -  oh! and not giving a shit what other people think. Ain't that the kicker!

So I admit. There may be some truth to what this person said. Maybe I am afraid of success, but how can I be if I don't actually know what success means to me. In order to fear it, first I must define it. The good thing is that odds are by the time I figure it out I won't be scared of it anymore...at least that's the plan!

Obstacle Course

So it's been an interesting few weeks. There have been ups. There have been downs. There have been dogs. What there hasn't been are Blog Posts. I apologize. I know that many of you live for these updates, sorry for starving your soul.
 
I've been thinking a lot about obstacles. I said to someone the other day that I'd been busy setting obstacles for myself. To be fair, I've also been removing some. I think the key is to pull up more than you put down - but hey, then life would be all sunshine and lollipops - and what fun would that be?

There are all types of obstacles or blockages in the world. Some are physical, others emotional. Some involve other people and some we create all alone in our little noggins. What they all have in common is that they somehow hold us back, thwart our growth and stop us from reaching our goals. The trick is that on the surface they don't all look bad. I've learned that I can do great things when I focus my energy on something or someone. Unfortunately I have a tendency to pick things that suck all my energy and give me very little in return, hence leaving me depleted and unable to work towards the goals that are really important to me.

I believe that energy is finite. I think this may be a popular theory but I honestly don't remember much about 8th grade science so I'm just going to say that it's true and go on with my story. So, we all have this finite amount of energy - manifested both emotionally and physically. What we choose to do with that energy is really important - it's our energy, it's what keeps us going and if we're going to give some away - allocate part of this asset - we should make sure we're getting a good return on our investment. Now I don't mean money and yes volunteer work is good yadda yadda yadda. What I mean is that if you're going to put your energy towards a project make sure that you're getting something from the experience that equals what you're putting in. If you're working so hard that you're getting sick and no one is even saying thank you - the balance is off and you need to fix it. Same goes for people - if you're doing all the work in the relationship/friendship/siblingship/daughtership/mothership (hee hee) and you don't feel that you're being valued or gaining something from interacting with this person then it's not fair to you.

I have a tendency to give all my energy to other people or side track myself with projects that I convince myself are important so that I can avoid what I really should be focusing on. For me it's usually because I'm scared - scared that if I truly direct my energy towards what I really want to do, then it might actually happen and the stakes would be way to really real.

I haven't been doing this as much lately. Go me! In fact when I was in New York recently I had some conversation with people who I really respect and felt like my plan was finally coming together. I can tell by their faces and their feedback that I'm on the right path. That's the good/bad thing about honest, intelligent friends - they're not afraid to tell me when I'm full of shit and they know me too well for me to fool them. Now I'm working on clearing up some personal obstacles that I've been focusing way too much energy on - it's amazing how awake and alive you feel when you choose to take your energy back and direct it towards something positive.

Speaking of things that are good investments of energy - I got a dog!!! Her name is Molly and she's a rescue. She's exhausting right now but it's pretty darn worth it. I think I will make her Senior Vice President of Cuteness....I, of course will remain President, for the time being.

I Love Katamari

So I know I haven't blogged in a while. To be honest, I just didn't want to. I didn't have much to report. Technically that isn't true but I don't feel like I've made much progress - at least not on paper.

In case I hadn't mentioned it before, I'm starting an entertainment company. A production company. A development outsourcing company. A content development company. A multi-platform content providing company. A bedazzled hello kitty club house in the sky company. As you can see it's been a bit difficult to explain exactly what I want to do, at least in a way that neatly ends with the word "company". Who knew world domination would be so challenging?

Over the past few weeks I've met with people to discuss what I want to do and they've told me how they would do it. Some of them were helpful, some of them confused me and one person made perfect sense.
Here's what I learned: 

1. Everyone does it differently.

2. It's almost impossible to project the amount of income you'll make.

3. The entertainment industry is like one big game of I Love Katamari.

First, there doesn't seem to be one underlying, connective...anything that determines how one becomes a successful producer. Some people do it one way and succeed, and others follow the exact same path and fail miserably. One positive note is that in Hollywood you seem to be able to fail upwards - so if you fail, with the right people, your career still moves forward. I don't get it but maybe one day I'll be thankful for it.

Second, it's nearly impossible to do income projections - which is a shame because they are a pretty integral part of a business plan. IF you own the rights to a project, and IF it gets approved for a TV script, and IF it gets greenlit for a pilot, and IF that pilot goes to air and IF it does well...you will get paid "something, something" amount for being the producer. I don't have to remind you what happens when "something, something" gets involved. For theatre, I get it. It's pretty simple. You may not be able to project if the show will be a huge success but at least you can use real numbers to map out how much it will cost and how much you'll need to make. Film is just as confusing unless I want to fund raise directly in order to produce my own movies...but I'm so not there yet and I don't exactly have a low-budget, artsy aesthetic.

The last, and most salient discovering I've made is that the tactics for succeeding in the entertainment industry are quite similar to those of the video game I Love Katamari. For those of you not familiar with this game let me lay it out for you in laymen's terms. (Gotta love laymen, he so good at explaining things). You basically start the game out as a sticky/velcro-ee ball and you try to roll over items on the screen. You start small - maybe a book, or a chair. You end BIG - hopefully having rolled over and affixed to yourself an entire town's worth of stuff. Now I know what you're thinking - how is Hollywood like a rolling, sticky ball of garbage? Here's how. Think of the ball as your script idea. First, you attach a writer, then a director, perhaps an actor or two, and eventually your project has grown into such a large mass of potentially successful people that the studios can't resist it....because by then, resistance has become futile!

Unfortunately, too many projects in this industry don't start with a good idea or a good script so they just become a massive, powerful, irresistible ball of crap. My goal is to not produce crap, and according to what I've learned here's how I'm going to avoid it:

1. I'm going to do it 'my way.' I have yet to define what 'my way' is but I guarantee it'll be different than your way.
2. I'm going to raise 'something, something' amount for development costs and get paid 'something, something' and 'some point'.
3. I'm going to take a great idea, hire a writer who loves the idea, let the story tell us what platform (film, TV, theatre) suites it best, partner with a skilled and passionate director and production team, make sure they hire the appropriate cast...and then support this team of talented, creative people and allow them to do what they do best.....


Progress? meh, but better than nothing.

Label Whore

So I've been thinking a lot about what defines us and as I am a child of the 80's I can't help but think of the Breakfast Club. You know, the end part where they read the essay they had to write in detention. "You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case ...a princess...and a criminal."

Now first of all I think that movie is what made every drama geek pine for the jock, and every pretty girl secretly wish that the darkest dude in school would wear her diamond stud. But let's not talk about which of John Hughes' (RIP) social constructs defined my sense of male/female interactions. What I keep coming back to this week is this idea of labels and the power of words.

I had to write my bio for my business plan and I think that after years of trying to label myself as one thing or another I've finally realized that I'm a lot of things, and that's ok - in fact, it's what makes me unique and gives me my edge. I am a director, producer, writer, consultant, manager and artist. I'm not just one or the other - I'm all of them.

It's taken me a long time to come to this conclusion. For most of my life I've tried to be wholly one thing for one group of people and then someone totally different for another group. When I was working in theatre management in Seattle I never told anyone that I directed theatre. In fact, I was instructed not to, in hopes of proving my dedication to my boss. I made friends and established working relationships with people who had no idea that I'd spent over 10 years directing theatre. It was so strange to me because for so much of my life that was my whole identity. Obviously this wasn't just because I was told not to, it's because at that time in my life I had decided I was a married, nature-accepting (not gonna go as far as loving), craft-doing, theatre manager. As I look back on that time I realize that part of me is all of those things, but I'm also so much more. 

By the way, that phase didn't last long and little bits of the rest of me would peak out now and again - she was called "New York Karina". For the longest time I was Toronto Karina in Toronto, New York Karina in New York, Seattle Karina in Seattle and LA Karina in LA. I was indeed a confirmed bunburyist. Sometimes I'd slip - like a superhero who forgot to change out of her costume before going back to work. It was exhausting.

Now I'm just Karina and it's much easier, but it took a long time. I think one of the hardest parts was realizing that I can't control what people think of me, I can only be true to who I am and lead an authentic life. There will still be people who expect me to be one way or the other depending on when or where they met me but I can't accommodate their perceptions, I can only be who I am now. 

This whole discussion came about because I needed to define what kind of company I'm starting. I needed to put a label on it and in some ways this process was the exact opposite of what I've been discussing. While I define my company one way I had to translate that definition into words that people understood, even when those words didn't actually capture what I meant to say. Even more frustrating was the fact that I couldn't use the words that I really wanted to use, because the colloquial understanding of their meaning didn't match the formal definition. So in the end I used the words that I knew would be most widely accepted, knowing that in the end I'll be able to show the world that my company is unique through actions.

Our actions are what set us apart. They show the world who we really are and what we really want. For example, I can talk about wanting to start my own company for years, but it's not until I say it and do something about it that the intention finds its truth. I've spent the last two weeks slowly but surely adding action to words...baby steps, but forward action nonetheless.

I could go one but I should probably go get some other stuff done today....sorry about the abrupt ending - more about action later.