Label Whore

So I've been thinking a lot about what defines us and as I am a child of the 80's I can't help but think of the Breakfast Club. You know, the end part where they read the essay they had to write in detention. "You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case ...a princess...and a criminal."

Now first of all I think that movie is what made every drama geek pine for the jock, and every pretty girl secretly wish that the darkest dude in school would wear her diamond stud. But let's not talk about which of John Hughes' (RIP) social constructs defined my sense of male/female interactions. What I keep coming back to this week is this idea of labels and the power of words.

I had to write my bio for my business plan and I think that after years of trying to label myself as one thing or another I've finally realized that I'm a lot of things, and that's ok - in fact, it's what makes me unique and gives me my edge. I am a director, producer, writer, consultant, manager and artist. I'm not just one or the other - I'm all of them.

It's taken me a long time to come to this conclusion. For most of my life I've tried to be wholly one thing for one group of people and then someone totally different for another group. When I was working in theatre management in Seattle I never told anyone that I directed theatre. In fact, I was instructed not to, in hopes of proving my dedication to my boss. I made friends and established working relationships with people who had no idea that I'd spent over 10 years directing theatre. It was so strange to me because for so much of my life that was my whole identity. Obviously this wasn't just because I was told not to, it's because at that time in my life I had decided I was a married, nature-accepting (not gonna go as far as loving), craft-doing, theatre manager. As I look back on that time I realize that part of me is all of those things, but I'm also so much more. 

By the way, that phase didn't last long and little bits of the rest of me would peak out now and again - she was called "New York Karina". For the longest time I was Toronto Karina in Toronto, New York Karina in New York, Seattle Karina in Seattle and LA Karina in LA. I was indeed a confirmed bunburyist. Sometimes I'd slip - like a superhero who forgot to change out of her costume before going back to work. It was exhausting.

Now I'm just Karina and it's much easier, but it took a long time. I think one of the hardest parts was realizing that I can't control what people think of me, I can only be true to who I am and lead an authentic life. There will still be people who expect me to be one way or the other depending on when or where they met me but I can't accommodate their perceptions, I can only be who I am now. 

This whole discussion came about because I needed to define what kind of company I'm starting. I needed to put a label on it and in some ways this process was the exact opposite of what I've been discussing. While I define my company one way I had to translate that definition into words that people understood, even when those words didn't actually capture what I meant to say. Even more frustrating was the fact that I couldn't use the words that I really wanted to use, because the colloquial understanding of their meaning didn't match the formal definition. So in the end I used the words that I knew would be most widely accepted, knowing that in the end I'll be able to show the world that my company is unique through actions.

Our actions are what set us apart. They show the world who we really are and what we really want. For example, I can talk about wanting to start my own company for years, but it's not until I say it and do something about it that the intention finds its truth. I've spent the last two weeks slowly but surely adding action to words...baby steps, but forward action nonetheless.

I could go one but I should probably go get some other stuff done today....sorry about the abrupt ending - more about action later.