Friday, June 4, 2010

The Secret to My Success

Business Plan: 0 words.
Business Plan: 172 words.
Business Plan: 1517 words. 
I'm finally making progress. Something inside me has lifted and I'm finally able to move forward. I've gone from hoping that I'd finish it, to doubting that I'd finish it, to knowing that by the time I leave for NYC next Friday that the first draft will be done. Not exactly the goal I'd originally set for myself but to be honest when I set those benchmarks I had no idea how difficult it would be to motivate myself or how many obstacles would be in my way. Ok, I'll be honest. There was really only ever one I am my own boss and I am my own obstacle! It's like a mini clash of the titans in my head. 
I've recently been pondering why I sabotage myself. It was suggested to me that I have a fear of success. That one confused me. Fear of failing, sure. Fear of falling, totally. Fear of success? that's just plain preposterous! But, as I am a gracious mortal I allowed this person to explain what they meant. They proposed that I fear success because my becoming successful would alter the perception certain people have of me. Hmmm...which people? well my family of course! But as this is a blog and not a diary I'll skip ahead to where my mind went next. Definitions. What does success mean? More specifically what does it mean to me? 
Success means something different to each individual - or at least it should if they are paying the slightest bit of attention to how they're living their life. (boy oh boy am I preachy today!) You see one person could have fame and wealth - characteristics normally associated with success - and be perfectly miserable. Another person may be a stay at home mom, for example, and be absolutely blissful. For her, providing a nurturing environment for her family is how she measures success. Some critics will presume that because she never had a career that she's settling somehow. I guess in the end it all comes back to defining was success means to us and trying our damnedest to achieve that goal -  oh! and not giving a shit what other people think. Ain't that the kicker!
So I admit. There may be some truth to what this person said. Maybe I am afraid of success, but how can I be if I don't actually know what success means to me. In order to fear it, first I must define it. The good thing is that odds are by the time I figure it out I won't be scared of it least that's the plan!

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