Tuesday, March 16, 2010

What on earth have I gotten myself into?

So this morning at 4am we had an earthquake. Only a 4.4 but still...the earth moved, the house shook and other people felt it too so I know I wasn't hallucinating. 

I wish this was the scariest thing that happened to me today. It wasn't.

Today I started doing - if only a little bit. Doing is the opposite of contemplating or in my case filling my days with busy work. Today I started working on my business plan. So far I haven't gotten very far - namely because I've been distracted by the pit in my stomach and the voice in my head that's screaming, "RUN! RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!! Go get a regular job!"

All this got me thinking about "Foundation". At 4am I was concerned about the physical foundation of my house and whether or not it was going to hold up against the angry rattlings of Mother Nature. Now I'm thinking of my own personal foundation and if it's going to hold up through this process - this chasing of dreams, dream stalking if you will.

Everyone's foundation is different. I think of mine as a combination of logic, will-power, self worth, years of therapy, occasionally a glass of wine (or two) and most importantly my friends. When my logic fails, emotions and fear get the best of me, the wine runs out, my therapist goes on vacation, I know I still have my friends. They are my true support system, the antidote to my Hamlet syndrome, my backup generator (I insist on milking this natural disaster metaphor for all it's worth).
These are the people who believe in me when I don't believe in myself, who can look me in the eye and say "all you need to do is decide you're going to do this and you will succeed," or "I fear you in a first-testament God kind of way," or "would you like me to bring you some more wine?". These are the people who know what to say to keep me on track, alleviate my stomach aches and get me to stop blogging and get back to work. 

You know who you are and I know I'm lucky to have you in my life.

Yeesh! One little earthquake and I get all mushy....

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